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OFG_HoNS
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Name: OFG_HoNS
Interests: Protecting the OFG borders from any type of terrorist activity or dangers from opposing factions.
Expertise: Let's just say... I'm Head of National Security for a reason.
Occupation: Government
Industry: Government
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/22/2005
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| As many of you can probably see, my last two posts have been deleted. This is not because I don't believe what I said in them, because I do to an extent. But, as someone had said to me, they sounded very bitter. That is because they were. As was pointed out to me today in a conversation with Frank, when he asked what happened, I'm not a leader in ACCC, whether people see me in that role or not. I am not experienced enough to be able to lead, I don't want to be a leader. I didn't realize that until now. I merely thought I was expected to be one because I'm a Bible College student and because I don't want to see harm come to ACCC. Since talking with Frank, I feel so much more comfortable. I feel much more relaxed.
The first thing I noticed in my previous posts was that I referred to our minister as "the current minister," or "ACCC's minister" I'm changing that in this post. He is our minister, not the 'current minister.' If when you read this, I say ACCC's minister, or the current minister, let me know, I'll change it as soon as I can.
I've already contacted a few of my professors at GLCC. I want to sit down with them and discuss what happened. I'm trying to get in contact with our minister, preferably through email for now because I can think about what I'm saying in that manner, and I'm less likely to blow up as I would on the phone since when I think about the current situation, I still feel a well of anger there, so if anyone has his email, if they could get it to me, I'd appreciate it. I want to talk to him to get his side of things, talk about things with him, let him know where I am and how I feel and merely open a line of communication that got closed down because I didn't think he was doing a good enough job. I was doing to him exactly what happened a year ago with the Church, and it was something I saw, and something that was discussed in little groups, but never addressed. I did the same thing that I was hoping that I could get people to break away from. I shut down all lines of communication. I felt wronged once, or felt that if I said something, I was going to offend the person, only to have it all bottled up until it all blew. Too often I think we are able to identify the problem, and not be able to identify it in ourselves.
I'm only human, I make mistakes, I can try my best to not make them, but God instilled in us these things called free will and emotions. Too often I think that I let my emotions get the better of me. Then rather than let things out, I'll keep it bottled in and feed those emotions. After they are full, we blow up. That is what my last two posts were. They were blow-ups. One of the things I've loved about GLCC is the great group of friends that I'm able to go and unload my problems on to, however, they get my side of the story, and since they are to a point involved with the problem, or involved with one of the parties that agrees with my blow up, they join my party.
Talking with Frank today helped. It isn't that I don't consider him a friend, but he's dealt with Church issues in the past. He wrote his Master's Thesis on Church Splits. I was able to tell him what happened, again, just one point of view, and the first thing he told me was that I need to talk with our minister. Which is why, again, I'd like to get in touch with our minister. Talking with Frank, I was finally able to say what had been rolling around in my mind, and when I said it to someone that wasn't involved, someone that wasn't part of it, I was able to hear what I was saying.
I wasn't there that Sunday, as a matter of fact, the issues that have arose in ACCC in the past year and a half, the times that the Sunday services have been ugly, I've missed. Everytime something happened, I heard about it second hand and it just makes me angry. I think the congregational meeting we had after the blow up last year opened our eyes a lot, and that is because we talked, we heard where people were coming from, we were listening.
Even though they seemed thought out, the last two posts were posts of emotion. Sure, they weren't as bad as my first draft of them, but they still weren't what I wanted them to be. However, now that I've had the opportunity to actually speak with someone about what happened, and was able to verbalize some things with someone that wasn't involved, it has helped, and I believe that.
My first response was completely emotional, "I wanted the man fired." My second response, after thinking about it (the response that goes with my previous posts) was what I'm calling, rationalized emotion, "I want the man to be given a second chance, so he can fail again, and then be fired." My response now is, "I'm not one of the decision-makers in the church, I don't have all the information, I have only the information that has been given to me by those that felt attacked that Sunday, I want him to succeed, I want him to be given the opportunity to succeed, I want to work with him so he will succeed, I want the church to heal, not just cover the wound and ignore it."
I don't know how to do that, besides opening the lines of communication, which is why I intend on trying to get some help for myself and the body. I can only hope that people will be willing to hear what an experienced outside party has to say. I hope to contact the board, give them suggestions on some people to contact, and I hope that they are willing to listen to what they have to say.
There are some things that Frank said to me that have laid something on my heart, and I'd like to pass something on. I'm not going to fill out an evaluation form right now. I'm not going to fill one out until I have the ability to talk with our minister, until I'm able to find out some things. I'm not going to fill out the form until I'm able to cool down. This post, if it manages to be the final, is the fourth edit/revision, because everytime I proof-read it, I find some tinge of negative emotion there that I don't want. I want to say, that I don't think our emotion currently is a bad thing, I just think that where we are directing it is. We are directing it all at our minister. I think that the evaluations the board wants us to fill out not only need to have us evaluate our minister, but for us to evaluate ourselves as a whole.
I think one of the things that our minister is trying to give us, and I could be wrong with this, I won't know until I talk to him, is a direction. I think that may have been something we lacked when we hired him.
I want to give a challenge. It is the same challenge I gave on Sunday. I challenge us all to read Ephesians chapter 6. I challenge us all to identify the armor of God that we are all challenged to wear. I challenge us all to look at those pieces and see if we are using them currently.
I look at what has happened the past year and a half at ACCC, and I see Satan's attacks. You know why I think he is attacking us so strongly? I think he is scared of us. Scared of what we can do if he can't keep us seperated. Scared of what we can do if we can't put aside our dislikes of each other, the problems we have with each other's pasts, the anger and hatred we feel. I think there is so much that we can do, if we can just get over ourselves. That was the problem I had in my last posts, I was on a high horse, I was prideful, I was wrong. To the person that called me out on that, thank you, you know who you are.
Finally, I just want to apologize. I want to apologize to both the people that read my post and supported what I said, and I want to apologize to our minister. That is an apology that I intend to make to him in person this Sunday, since I will be back preaching again. I hope that I can get a hold of him sometime this week before Sunday, as I'd like to be able to talk about some things before then, in hopes of emptying that well of anger I have right now and filling it with love. Again, I'm sorry for what I said. As much as I'd love to say that it wasn't what I wanted to say, I can't. At the time, that is what I wanted to say, and I realize now, that it wasn't what I should have said. I just hope that you can forgive me. Those of you that don't think I was wrong in what I said before, I apologize to you for deleting the posts, since I think that you may have needed to take another look, a more critical look at them, and realize what I was actually saying.
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| So, I'm sure my mother will be glad about this, but I've started a new blog for the purpose of recording what goes on at my internship over the summer... with any luck I'll post regularly. The web link is as follows.
http://jonathonc.wordpress.com/
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| So, I just spent 40 dollars of my newly cashed paycheck on two meals, and haven't ate either of them yet. Its possible the money I put into the pot went into a 3rd meal, I'm not sure.
The first meal is a trip to Skyline Chili and Coldstone Creamery with Larry and Judy Carter. I've been told that it is as many coneys as we can eat. I believe it is Myself, Biker, Hatter and Simmons going on that one.
The second meal is a choice of either lasagna or Chili and Steak with George Brown. Knowing the guys that bid on that one we'll probably go Chili/Steak. That one has six, but I only know for sure of myself and Simmons, I believe that Burghdoff and Biker are also going. It should be a fun time.
However, the money went to Senior Skip Day. It was a fundraiser for the school. It is amazing how much money college students can get together for this event. The Carter meal went for $95 dollars, it was at $75, but the bidding had died down, so we jumped it to $95. The George Brown meal sold for somewhere around $230-$250... I believe, I'm not entirely sure. The Dan Cameron trip to Grand Rapids Books Store and probably Arnie's for lunch went for $240.
The meal I had nothing to do with was Larry Martin's Japanese Steakhouse trip, that went to Boaz Chong for $305.
Lloyd Knowles made the comment that a fundraiser like that could build the Doty Center, which the school breaks ground for next Tuesday.
Anyway, the rest of my paycheck goes towards filling my gas tank and possibly replacing a Lugnut on my car, hopefully I can get Biker or Simmons to help me out with that this weekend.
Well, I updated, believe it or not, and now I think I might take a nap.
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| All I have to say is... "Its a good thing I don't have money to throw around."
USB Rocket Launcher
A really good thing. | | |
| What's this? An update?! WOW!
Well, yesterday around 11:00 AM, my Mac showed up... in all its glory. Watch out world, now I'm portable, I don't have to hide in my room all the time now (though I probably will anyway, its safer.)
Well, I'm off. | | |
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